Raw Parenting Podcast Newsletter - March 2026
Subject: The Secret to LOVING Your Child When You Feel Like You Can't
Dear Parent,
There are moments in parenting that feel almost too ugly to say out loud.
Moments where your child is fighting you on everything, the tension is building, and a thought slips into your mind: I don’t even like my child right now.
And then comes the guilt.
The kind that makes you question what kind of parent you are.
This newsletter is for the parent living in that cycle. The one who keeps trying to stay calm, keeps trying the scripts, keeps validating feelings, and still ends up yelling by the end of the day.
Because sometimes the answer is not what we think.
What I Thought Was Happening
For a long time, I believed my daughter was challenging me.
I thought she was testing my authority, being disrespectful, and pushing back on purpose.
She would melt down over the smallest things. If I moved the wrong blanket on her bed, it could turn into a full blowup. If I didn’t follow her exact directions during play, she would lose it. Every day felt like opposite day.
I kept thinking: Why are we always fighting?
What Was Actually Happening
What I finally realized changed everything.
My daughter was not fighting me.
She was fighting what she was feeling inside.
What looked like defiance was often overwhelm. What looked like control was really dysregulation. What looked personal… wasn’t personal.
Her emotional capacity is heavy. When she gets flooded, acting out becomes her way of getting control back.
That shift alone changed how I saw her.
The Part I Didn't Want to Admit
The deeper truth had nothing to do with fixing my child.
It had to do with me.
When she acted out, how I reacted was my responsibility.
I started to see that the secret to connecting with her wasn’t just understanding her better. It was understanding myself better.
My childhood patterns. My triggers. My own emotional limits.
Because by the time my daughter was melting down, I was often already maxed out.
The mess. The whining. The rushing. The sibling stuff. The constant demands. By 8:00 a.m., my own window of tolerance was already barely open.
So when she splashed water in my face after I asked her ten times to wash her hands, it wasn’t really about the water.
It was everything.
The Concept That Helped Me Most
One thing that helped me understand this was the idea of the window of tolerance.
Think of it like the amount of emotional stress you can handle while still staying calm, present, and connected.
Before kids, my window was already small. After kids, it got even smaller.
That meant when my daughter brought me her overwhelm, I had almost no room left to absorb it.
And that is the hardest part of parenting a difficult child.
You have to be the one with enough capacity to hold their feelings when they can’t hold them themselves.
What Actually Started Helping
Not a new script. Not another parenting book. Not pretending to be calm.
What started helping was surprisingly simple:
I started writing things down.
Not perfect journaling. Not candlelight reflections. Just notes.
Anytime I got angry, shut down, snapped, or spiraled, I wrote it down. What time it happened. What triggered it. What I was feeling.
Sometimes it was in my phone. Sometimes it was a sticky note. Sometimes it was a voice memo in the car.
The point was to get it out of my head.
Because when everything stays in your mind, it loops. The same guilt. The same trigger. The same story.
But once I wrote it down, I started seeing patterns.
I noticed what times of day were hardest. I noticed the same kinds of moments setting me off. I noticed childhood wounds showing up in my reactions.
And once I could see it, I could start healing it.
What Changed in Our Home
Things did not change overnight.
But slowly, they shifted.
I snapped less. I recovered faster. I stayed present longer. I stopped backing away from her intensity.
And she felt it.
Kids always feel it.
As my window opened, hers started opening too.
We started connecting more than fighting. There was real laughter in our house again. Not forced. Not survival-mode laughter. The real kind.
I could finally see who she was underneath all the intensity.
And the guilt that used to follow every blowup started to fade.
If This Sounds Like You
This is not about perfection.
It is about building a little more room inside yourself. A little more awareness. A little more healing.
If you are parenting a child who feels intense, reactive, or defiant, you are not failing.
And if you are constantly wondering why validation only works for five minutes, it may be because the real work is not only in your child’s behavior.
It is in your own capacity.
That was the shift for me.
And it changed everything.
Join the Conversation!
We’d love to hear from you! “Have you ever noticed a pattern in when you lose your patience as a parent?”Hit reply and let us know, or join the conversation on our latest post.
Reading with your little ones is such a special bonding experience. Let’s make sure the books we choose bring joy, learning, and positivity into their lives!
With love,
Tom & Malorie
The Raw Parenting Podcast
P.S. Want more real talk on parenting? Check out our latest podcast episode for a deep dive into this topic! 🎙️
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P.S.: “Growing as parents through deep, real conversations to raise better kids.”
See you next month!
